There is an old saying: Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time. And yesterday it happened for the third time. It forced me to write this blog. This is kind of dream-hangover. It is a state where I can not decide whether I am dreaming or I am awake, the phase were all my senses work, my mind works, yet there is so much confusion. It seem to me like my brain is divided into two parts, one trying to create the confusion by building up stories and other part trying to make things logical and reasonable.
First time, it happened, when I was in class 9. Our board starts from class 9. So most of my friends have utilised their year break and have done some advanced studies. On the other hand I was not even aware of this fact that class 9 portions would also be there in board exams. In hostel, suddenly everyone was talking about the studies and board exams (naya naya josh tha…logo ka). I was not able to understand a thing in class or even what my friends used to talk. This had a deep impact on me. No I didn’t start studying hard, I started to have nightmares. I had nightmares like I am sitting in examination room, and I am unable to answer a single question. After some nights it became worse. I used to see that questions are coming out of question papers and kicking me punching me, answer script mocking me. I had similar dreams for about 4 5 days, and then one day I wake up in the middle of my dream. Now I was awake still I had the feeling that I am being haunted by the questions. I knew at that time that this is not possible. Questions cannot come out and punch me, yet I was finding it very difficult to convince myself.
Last year it happened again and this time it was far more intense. I was in home for vacations. As usual, I had nothing to do in vacations and I spend most of my time watching TV. With n channels I was able to watch anything properly. After a week, I had this most weird dream. I personalized all the channels in my dream and they were talking, plotting against each other etc. This idea was so uncanny that I woke up. I still had the intense feeling that everything is going on. I was hearing a lot of noises and different sounds. I put on the light and started trolling in my room. I was trying hard to convince myself that is just a dream but the moment I even tried to close my eyes it used to start again. I was even thinking about that matrix dialogue at that time “have you ever been in state where you don’t know whether you are asleep or dreaming”. This was also painful at that time. Anything related to TV was driving me crazy. I wanted to wake up my mother; I wanted to have someone beside me to hold me in sanity. But then I thought I should not disturb anyone. One part of my brain was trying to be reasonable. Finally all this confusion resulted in puke and I poured cold water over my head and gradually the feeling subsided.
And it again happened last night. I was watching friends’ first season. I fell asleep in between. Suddenly my phone started ringing. I woke up. I saw the time. It was 11.30 pm. Who can call me at this hour? The number was also new. Till this everything was ok. I answered the call. Someone from the other side was asking me about Ishu? Actually it was Ishu’s dad call. He is my department. Now at this time confusion started. As I was watching the first season of friends and I have seen all the season of friends so it was something like that I was watching the history part. I think this was my source of confusion. One part of my brain started creating confusion that I am in my first year and I don’t know Ishu. I started thinking who is Ishu and from where he got my number. Even at this time I was talking on phone very sensibly, “no uncle he is not here”, “he must be in his room and I can go to his room so that you can talk to him”. I was speaking very slowly because of the conflict going on in my head. Gladly this time it was not intense as the other two and so I was able to convey the message.
Has anything like this has happened to you all people, when you know that something is not right still the wrong thing is so real that it is hard to convince yourself otherwise. I had many weird dreams like: playing football with a new strategy which involves the concept of E=mc*c; getting trapped in 2 D mirror; saving Michael Jackson in a cruise; flying a jet plane; reading newspaper in my home; joining the terrorist group, having an illusion in my dream; traveling through a country full of magic etc. But three times I had continued to dream even when I fully awake.